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"The Doctor Is In" (also known as "Doctor Lucy") is a song from the stage musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. It is sung by Lucy and Charlie Brown when the boy visits Lucy's psychiatry booth because he is feeling depressed about not getting any Valentine's Day cards.
- Charlie Brown: Oh Lucy I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do.
- Lucy: I'm sorry to hear that, Charlie Brown. Maybe there's something I can do to help. I think what you need most of all, is to come right out and admit all the things that are wrong with you.
- Charlie Brown: Do you really think that will help, Lucy?
- Lucy: Certainly
- Charlie Brown: All right I'll try.
- (Singing) I'm not very handsome or clever or lucid.
- I've always been stupid at spelling and numbers.
- I've never been much playing football, or baseball,
- Or stickball, or checkers,
- Or marbles, or ping-pong.
- I'm usually awful at parties and dances.
- I stand like a stick, or I cough, or I laugh,
- Or I don't bring a present,
- Or I spill the ice cream,
- Or I get so depressed that I stand and I scream.
- Oh how, could there possibly be,
- One small person as thoroughly totally utterly blah as me.
- Lucy: Well, that's okay for a starter.
- Charlie Brown: A starter?
- Lucy: Certainly. You don't think that mentioning these few superficial failings is going to do you any good, do you? Why Charlie Brown, you really have to delve.
- You're stupid self-centered and moody.
- Charlie Brown: I'm moody.
- Lucy: You're terribly dull to be with.
- Charlie Brown: Yes I am. And nobody likes me, not Frieda, or Shermy, or Linus, or Schroeder...
- Lucy: Or Lucy
- Charlie Brown: Or Lucy ...
- Lucy: Or Snoopy
- Charlie Brown: Or Snoo- Wait a minute! Snoopy likes me.
- Lucy: He only pretends to like you because you feed him. That doesn't count.
- Charlie Brown: Or Snoopy. Oh why, was I born just to be, one small person as thoroughly totally utterly-
- Lucy: Wait! You're not very much of a person.
- Charlie Brown: That's certain.
- Lucy: And yet there is reason for hope.
- Charlie Brown: There's hope?
- Lucy: For although you are no good at music like Schroeder,
- Or happy like Snoopy,
- Or lovely like me,
- You have the distinction to be, n
- No one else but the singular remarkable unique Charlie Brown
- Charlie Brown: I'm me!
- Lucy: Yes, it's amazingly true.
- For whatever it's worth Charlie Brown
- You're you!
- Charlie Brown: Gosh, Lucy. You know something? I'm beginning to fell better already. You're a true friend, Lucy. A true friend.
- Lucy: That'll be five cents please.